wingate

09:19 am: colors were brighter today like long ago
It happened. Two birds with one stone. I fed the ducks and ate at the best restaurant. I smiled and laughed all day. Watched the city of gold and understand part of Rio's big circle. I was invited over skype to go to another country. I don't understand so many things. I want to learn more languages. I will travel. I'm almost there baby. III Me me me. It's about god damn time. Life here I come.

08:27 pm: Keys are lies men created to keep people out and things in. In nature the only true key is knowledge and experience gained over time. sometimes there are men who walk around with a lot of keys, they imagine them up because they can see that there is nothing you can't get to. They 'break the rules' they run around pissing everyone off. They are the one that get away with everything without so little as a scratch. But then there is the mystery part. What burdens do they take on in their heads to not feel guilty about all of that? Or do they feel nothing at all because their genetics left out the part of their brain that understands how to consider the rest of society. If you don't know something exists how could you consider the effects on it by your actions. ?

02:13 am: i'm love sick.
this is weird. i don't get it. i don't think. i don't think i am liking this anymore. i think i am thinking too much. i hate how i feel. i feel sick. i am an infect. i hate it. i hate this. i'm not sick. FUCK! i'm love sick.

sometimes you just have to ask yourself what you want. and when you tell yourself, you have to then go and get it.
time and money. tickets and maps. energy and intent. skies and roads.

02:02 am: tonight i'm wishing on the moon.
i wish he could have seen that he was all i ever wanted. i wish he would have known all he meant to me. i wish he felt the settled feeling that i felt when he was near me. i wish he never saw how broken i had become. i wish he knew it wasn't his fault. i wish he knew i loved his warmth and the morning hours when we were so close. i wish he knew how i believe in fate.
i wish he knew i have always believed him. i wish he knew how much i believe in him. i wish he saw in himself the expanses of space and time that i saw in him. i wish he could see the possibilities that life still holds.

04:09 am: yeah, i should be sleeping... whatever
love makes the world go round



had to note, no im not sleeping but im also not loving anything or making loveto anything right now... just cant get away from the u tube. a guilty pleasure to watch bumbo people but i needed a little escape from my everyday realities.

11:45 pm: its hard to see grief in beauty.

03:00 am: at the backwards of the orchestra i semi-unconduct.

02:19 am: i got to get out or figure this shit out. :D
I keep thinking how much the past sucked instead of thinking about how awesome i can make the future. like i just might have my own furniture one day or a brewery or something awesome like that.
Something i have wanted for the past few years is a teammate. i want someone who wants to build things with me that will make one big huge masterpiece. it would be awesome. And profitable. its called working and its always easier when two people do it together or a bunch like 5 to 10. that would be so cool it there was a team of people that were just like hell yes i'll start a brewery with you. Plus! BEER! !! yeeaH! cool.
time for a business plan and a budget plan. ok. i can do this. i just have to take it step by step and write it out, get everyone together and do it. dooooo it. maybe, we'll see.
i hate how sometimes i think one things and then totally go off course and never get back to the point i was originally making. just makes me think it wasnt important enough to keep my attention. i love these keeeys right now.

.....oh yeah agrocrag.
. sometimes when you think you were making things up you really werent. you were right.

04:16 am: so what the fuck.
two things.
lady gaga is fucking ugly. (if you can even call her a lady...ralphy gaga). that's why she has all the huge fake hair covering her elongated face all the time.
god i sound like a bitch. :) hmmmmm 8/
whatever.
who the what the fuck.
cause i know its like 4 something in the morning right now, so why, randomly, are strange cars always pulling into the driveway and slamming car doors. are they trying to steal things out of my family's cars or is the driver and passenger just switching seats in the driveway. so far its been a white truck, and a smaller compact car that i have caught frolicking in front of the house in the past couple of months.

i know that was a long,,,...hahaha a large number two....
but seriously i don't like it (what's going on) cause i think there's thievery a foot.
the scoop a couple on months ago was that 2 cars and a shed were broken into on this street. i'm not a wimp, ok, i just yeah, don't want to come in contact with a thug. ;)


smiles *:D
fuck it.

10:06 am: he came to me tonight.
My soulmate is a huge dog.

08:44 am: Cry out some of that alcohol dear. Your eyes are turning yellow and your heart is swimming in the seas of the past. One day it will be all clear dear and someone will be there when you wake to hold you like you always have should.
Now sleep and see that it was all a bad dream. The bad dream they call life and soon it will all be over. They'll see; you'll see.

10:58 am: today
Making friends with myself is taking longer than I thought it would. How I was friends with myself in the first place is baffling.

03:11 am: say what's your mother say? ha ha ha
i went through the whole process of turning on my computer and logging on to this thing to announce i have found a new love. its refreshing and exciting. coca-cola and absolut citron. period. add some ice and its better than other certain explosions in your mouth anyday. oh thats the funniest thing i have heard in a decade.
add a little TCM and it's like christmas all over again.

where's ginger rogers when you need her?

all the dames in the world couldn't make him feel that way i used to feel; or how i feel now.

01:58 am: that fucking cunt slut
so there is this girl named tracy that i absolutely hate and its even worse because i have never met her. so i am only left to picture what this monster looks like, with huge brown eyes and pale asian skin. she's so horrible she doesn't look like a monster at all. she's so horrible because she is so amazing and can whisper miracles like the gods of ancient athena times. she's a killer in disguise and her weapon is lethal. it can kill a man in fractions of a second. the venom she spits is like black vodka tinted with cherry HIV leaving chosen victims to suffer life long deaths of pain, suffering from all parts of the body. in the beginning there is delusion and deceit. all who are aware of her experience confusion and torment, losing all those that are near and dear to them. she will turn you on yourself, you are the monster now, you are the reason why everything is nothing.

12:10 am: gibberish...why is this girl so demented? i mustve been dropped as a child
ok so, its official. i am officially a dumb cunt. i couldnt explain it any more simply. poor choices have led to indifference and possible side effects may occur. what the fuck. love isnt real. and if it is 'fuck you love you only hurt me, extraly.' poo shit fuck seriously. love is fear is pain is death is never life. happiness is just the same. and if that old lady with the (no offense) 'retard' for a kid is reading this i hope she doesnt try to understand it, shell just end up wanting to kill herself. if only everyone could be inside themself in their own little world like those people. where the fuck did everyone go and how come it is taking so long to find that thing i dont know i lost. how come i know so much about nothing? it just baffles me.


like i say/type, on another note,
the last time smoking cigarettes got this much out of control i would have to say it was a good time in my life. hopefully the clouds will part and the sunshine will burn my eyes out cause im sick of all of this beautiful color that stains my world. yes that my be the worst try as sarcasm in my entire life. maybe.

oh yeah it was the fifteen pound telephone.

05:02 am: fucking finding my mind is just as good a losing it right now
What the hell is my problem. I hate not having something to occupy my time. I don't feel like drinking or smoking. I feel like time is wasting away and some people or specific people in general are so in considerate. Especially about answering yes or no questions. Why not just say yes or no. I think the responses perhaps and maybe or I don't know should not be allowed when the questions asked involve other peoples time. ... Thus what the hell. I wish I had someone to drive me to the bars so I could get trashed and not get a dui. I hate drinking at home no one ever wants to dance. I'm fucking retarded. This post is retarded.

09:40 pm: very short thoughts
plans.
doing.
hate info databases
must utilize data in bases
soon.
never.

real.
decay.
viruses
alive
living dead.
no life.
no such thing.

large scale replication
small scale transfer.
same thing.

business marketing sucks.
i dont want to take that final.

12:40 am: whaAt?!
i got my sticks. i got my cup. i got my time.
i got my efil.

05:35 pm: thursday after noon. alone. finally. i guess. yes.
the problem with dancing while drinking is similar to running while smoking, sure you can keep going but it's tiring.

03:15 am: nood noon night noon
oooOOoohoohoohoo fun. i haven't left a post in forever. work summer. tomorrow two finals. fall :(. moley chin. the tv is annoying! inned some money. i need to make some big bucks. i hate/never use the word bucks for money but oh well. my engine is barely churning. im pretty much happy but i don't want to admit it because that's when things start going bad. 6 legged moth on the screen tiny and cute. i like the cooler weather. heather, wear a sweater. i want to have a summer get together with a bunch of people i miss. i dont want to get my nails done but i probably should. i hate it when i have those days where i cant spell anything. makes me feel retarded. i but retards feel retarded all the time. haha im retarded! haha mini pool table = retarded. i need something colorful. i want it colorful. big bright bold colorful.i need to shower and go to bed but study and do well tomorrow. ok all of them. good night.